A study of local fauna: The Cyclist.

The Lycra-clad Cyclist is a unique species, increasingly common in parts of urban and rural Australia. Distinguishable by its bright coat and specially evolved head-gear, the Lycra-clad Cyclist is seen by some as a pest, both due to its foreign origins and its prevalence on the roads at dawn and dusk.

Originating from Europe, the Lycra-clad Cyclist has spread across the world, brought over on planes by well-meaning environmentalists. Now, it rides wild across rural Australia and is often seen in packs. Unlike the kangaroo, the Cyclist uses the road as its main avenue and is loath to get off the road for fear of damaging their wheels. The Cyclist is can also be seen riding  with its young, an exact replica of the adult of the species rendered in miniature.

Like all species, the Lycra-clad Cyclist comes in varying degrees of attractiveness. Perfect specimens possess a strong but narrow abdomen, well muscled, curved legs and a pointed head to assist with its aerodynamics. Less attractive specimens are often recognisable by their protruding bellies, known as a ‘beer-belly’ and thick legs. However, these specimens often transform into more attractive specimens just as a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly.

The Lyrca-clad Cyclist is part of an intrinsically hierarchical society where the 7 o’clockers are revered by the 7.30’s and so on. There is legend of a 6 o’clock cyclist but no one has ever seen them and thus it is impossible to conclusivly prove or disprove their existence.

Recent studies indicate that this unique humanoid creature isn’t going anywhere soon so next time you go bush, sit yourself under a gum tree and wait for a Lycra-clad Cyclist to ride by past the burnt summer fields.

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