I have reached the stage where I can’t show you anything more from the WIP I usually use on these delightful Wednesday’s because of spoilers so from now on, I’ll give you exerts from the tentatively titled Rebellion Rising, a sort-of sequel. On the positive side, new characters to meet 🙂 As today is the 19th, here is 19 lines from the beginning of Rebellion Rising.
The sword sliced through the air towards Tasyn’s shoulder. He tried to block it at the last moment but left it too late to stop the sharp blade entirely. He swore as it penetrated his flesh. He refocused, knowing if he lost concentration for even a second he would end up on his backside in the dirt. Sick of being on the defensive and the frequent abuse of his captain, he went in for the attack, ducking under his opponent’s guard to stab his arm.
Without waring, he felt the hard ground beneath his back, the cold prick of steel at his neck.
‘If ya gonna be a smar’ass, at least preten’ ya know wha’ ya doin’ the captain smirked, proffering a hand to help him up.
Tasyn ignored it, snarling, he leapt to his feet, adopting a defensive stance.
‘Tha’s enuf, go cool down.’
Tasyn ignored the captain, his pent up frustration at everything from the bulling of his fellow cadets and the disgusting meals in the mess to his own inadequacy with any weapon other than a slingshot exploding as he went in for the attack. Before he could blink his sword lay in the dirt a full two metres away and his arm was twisted painfully behind his back.
‘I seh, tha’s enuf.’ the captain snarled into his ear with warm, fetid breath.
The captain pushed Tasyn away, much to his embarrassment. Tasyn stormed over to where his sword lay in the dust and snatched it up, giving the fence post a hearty thwack with the flat of the blade as he left the arena. In his voice he could hear the voice of the old shepherd on the mountain, dead these past eight winters, ‘You’re too angry, child. Channel your anger, control it or it will control you.’ So much for his wisdom and his stories; none of it mattered now.
~~
A week prior, Tasyn had been waiting impatiently in the long line of young men eager to enlist. The fierce heat made him itch and he had finished his water-skin half an hour ago. Spruikers walked up and down the line, offering refreshments and other pleasures but Tasyn only had the five copper pieces he needed for the enlisting fee and the gods know, he did not earn it all lawfully.
R.E. Navan 
I like the set-up and think I’m going to like this character. I’m guessing he’s going to get into a lot of hot water with that temper of his, though. Of course, that always makes for interesting plot lines. 😉
Oh, yes. 🙂
Nice opening! I love the phonetic spellings in the dialogue, too.
I’m glad. I’m never sure how well such attempts will turn out and it is so hard to get it right. 🙂
A hothead… and boy, what a hot-head! Looks like Tasyn is in for some very rude awakenings.
Curious though… what made you have an enlistment fee? I mean, I like the idea, but I wouldn’t have thought of it. Is it for a special military post as opposed to basic conscription?
The idea of it as a sort of tax to help provide weapons and training etc. to the soldiers, as well as food and travel costs. It’s relatively small and most people would be able to pay it though some more easily that others.
Ah! I see. When I first read about it, so many possibilities sprang to mind, so I figured I would ask. That tells me even more about Tasyn…
I just got done reading a story that bothered me SO much. The character had an irish accent, and yet all of the dialogue was using proper English. “Are you okay?” “What are we going to do?” So I just love the phonetic use of dialogue you are using. It’s hard to do because every single word highlights in red on the spellcheck, but I can HEAR the accent. You’re doing great with that!
Thanks! 🙂 It’s great to hear positive feedback on accents, especially phonetically rendered ones because I’ve found people either love the idea or hate it.
I can feel his frustration – I’m glad he got a good hit on the fence. A great motivator for improvement. I like it!
Yep, he may not be able to best his instructor but he can certainly show an inanimate object what for! 😛
Thanks 🙂 His temper is set to get him in a LOT of trouble as the story progresses 😀
Nice opening! I love the captain’s accent, and that old Shepherd is right; Tasyn is way too angry.
Yep 🙂 He is certainly in need of some character development. And I’m glad you liked the accent.