At this stage of the game, I would predict that those of you participating in NaNo are either freaking out, scrawling those few last plans and getting as much sleep as they can before the real work begins. To read about my own NaNoWriMo preparation check back tomorrow but for now it is WIPpet time. If you missed my language post on Monday you can find it here.
As it is the 30th today and in keeping with last weeks post, the excerpt is from page 30 of the manuscript of Rebellion Rising. I’d forgotten about this particular scene which takes place in an imperial army camp and is the first introduction (apart from hearsay spread by other characters) of the antagonist, the personification of the Haelean Empire. Let me know your thoughts. 🙂 The last line is my particular favourite.
Despite the heavy material of the tent, the icy wind still managed to seep through.
‘It’s cold.’ The Emperor complained.
His generals and advisors shared a tired glance. He was cold? In his furs and heavy robes and cushions? He was cold? But of course, he was the emperor and if he was cold then something must be done to remedy it. A servant was sent to fetch some blankets. Archduke Gerinald shook his head at his older brothers folly. Did Daegearn ever spare a thought for any other? No. He was selfish. Selfish and unloved. It was he, Gerinald, who had the respect of the people. Perhaps he should be emperor.
As if sensing the direction of his brothers thoughts, Daegearn snapped at him, ‘Shut up!’
‘I did not speak.’ The archduke argued.
‘No,’ the emperor replied, ‘you were thinking. Loudly.’
‘Then I apologise, dear brother, if thought offends you.’
R.E. Navan 
I haven’t read “Game of Thrones” but I have watched the 1st and 2nd season of it, and this excerpt took me to that series. The emperor and archduke could totally be characters in that book! I particularly liked the last three lines:
‘I did not speak.’ The archduke argued.
‘No,’ the emperor replied, ‘you were thinking. Loudly.’
‘Then I apologise, dear brother, if thought offends you.’
Just pleeeeease tell me you aren’t going to kill off most of the likeable characters!!
Hehe I can’t promise anything on that count. 😀 And I’m so pleased you thought it sounded Game of Thronesey. It wasn’t necessarily what I was going for but George R R Martin and the other scriptwriters on that show are amazing so thankyou, you’ve made my day. 🙂
I always find it interesting what readers relate pieces to. I’ve neither read, nor watched GoT. I know, that’s almost heretical isn’t it? 😉 In any case, I love this WIPpet. I’ve been accused of thinking too loudly as well. I believe because I’ve also been told my non-verbal communication skills are top notch and, apparently, my eyes speak volumes all by their lonesome. LOL A well-crafted piece that shows us much about these two characters.
Thanks 🙂 The feedback I’m getting today is making me think I should work these characters in a bit more than originally planned…
I love the thinking loudly line. lol I hate when people do that!! =P
It can be so annoying, can’t it? 😛
I liked it. One slight critique. I think it should be brothers’ instead of brothers, but I could be wrong. I definitely think you should develop the characters more. There’s a lot there to work with, imo. As far as NaNo, I’m going to be in the trenches with you, which is both exhilarating and scary at the same time. Good luck to you!
Thanks for the feedback 🙂 And good luck with NaNo.
LOL! I have known people like Daegearn. I love that even though he is so selfish, he knows his brother well enough to guess Gerinald’s thoughts with some accuracy. Perhaps he knows he is selfish and unloved? The last line IS very good. Especially since both of them know very well that if Gerinald were to speak his thoughts out loud, they’d definitely offend. 🙂
They do have a pretty tight brotherly bond despite their differences. 🙂
I do love accusations of thinking too loudly. This is a great glimpse of the differences between the Emperor and his brother.
I think you have a great set of stories here if you develop these characters further. Especially given that Daegearn’s feeling cold could possibly be a sign of so many more things… I mean, he’s clearly aware of people around him and sensitive to their feelings. I’d be curious to know if his feeling cold is just because he’s physically cold or feeling something else… You know, overcompensating for a lack elsewhere,
Ooh, interesting idea! I have a feeling that this plot may thicken.:D
Thick plots make for longer, more satisfying devouring… 😀