I have once again realised that it has been a good long while since my last post. Sorry about that. So to make up for my absence I’ll be combing a WIPpet Wednesday post and a ROW80 post.
We’ll start with the ROW80 but feel free to scroll down if you’re only here for the WIPpet 🙂
Edit Queen of Hearts
My focus since my last post has been less on actual word editing and more on checking consistency, making sure characters don’t pop up where they shouldn’t be, that kind of thing.
Again, mostly ideas and plans rather than actual stories but I’ve been writing assignments so that’s something.
This is my first post in two weeks so…
I had to do some research on Proto-Indo-European languages for a class assignment which made it really hard to focus on the task at hand because it set my language creating synapses firing. Created some more words for my common tongue and have been thinking through the syntax quite a bit.
Okay, onto WIPpet!
From Chapter 20, what amounted on my computer to about 2 and a half pages. So don’t say I never give you anything 😛 Although to be fair, this is quite unedited and I had to remove a reference to a person who couldn’t possibly be there. Oops.
Context: I don’t know where to start honestly. Basically, during the winter the army was dismissed and retreated from the battlefield for a while and during this time Kara, along with her numerous companions and the Bashraani prince and princess we met earlier (Anjez and Mai respectively), is holding court in the castle of a loyal northern lord. The empire sends some ambassadors to offer an ultimatum and bring with them a gift, the head of the young envoy Patrun who accompanied Kara et al to Bashraan and was recently reassigned to the embassy in the nearest imperial town on the other side of the border. So yeah, head in a box.
Kara marched from the audience chamber, her anger written in the stiff set of her shoulders and reflected in the frightened faces of those who stood in her way. Her Ladies and cousin Tiemil followed, with Markey bringing up the rear. As she strode through the dim corridors and stairwells, Kara’s Ladies scurried to keep up, ruing the ridiculous court dresses which hampered their speed. Kara, however, had unpicked the stitches holding the panels of the skirt together up to the knees, relying on the hang of the fabric to protect her modesty during the audiences today. With this advantage, only Markey and Tiemil could keep pace. Kara threw open the door to her chambers, startling Lyea to her feet. Placing a hand on either side of the doorway, Kara braced herself against the frame, waiting for her companions’ arrival. Markey soon caught up, Tiemil on his heels. Kara ignored them until the others caught up a moment later, out of breath. Meg looked about to faint.
Kara turned to look over her shoulder at Anotis, “Call the council.” she commanded before entering the room. She allowed Teimil and Eriden to follow her before firmly closing the door on the others’ startled faces.
“Where the Everwinter have you been?” Kara snapped at Anjez, sitting by the cold fireplace surrounded by papers.
“Busy.” Anjez defended as he stood. He noticed the grim looks on their faces, “What happened?”
“They killed Patrun.” Kara replied, her voice hollow.
“The envoy?” he gasped, eyes wide.
Kara nodded as she sank onto an over-cushioned couch.
Anjez’s first thought was of his sister, “And Mai?”
Kara stared blankly at the carpet, “She’s…she’s upset.”
Tiemil settled on the couch. Anjez was too fired up to sit. With their frenzied pacing, he and Eriden together would wear a track in the old Gabonese carpet.
“So what is your grand plan then?” Tiemil asked.
“Plan?” Kara replied.
“For vengeance!” Anjez said.
“I have a few ideas.” Eriden muttered as she continued to pace.
“I don’t know.” Kara answered honestly, “I’m hoping the council will advise me.”
“Those old farts? They will try to scare you into caution.” Tiemil replied sceptically.
“Those old farts have spent longer on this earth than either you or I. And perhaps caution is what we need just now.” Kara snapped.
“Perhaps you are right,” Tiemil submitted, “Will you stop that?” he irritability directed his question at Eriden who had been pacing around the room since she entered it. The only response he received was a glare. “Fine then. I’m going to find Mai.” he humphed as he stood to leave.
“No, I am!” Anjez shot.
Kara stood to block them, “Neither of you are going anywhere near her.”
“She is my sister!”
“She is alone in her grief!” Tiemil argued.
“Yes, for now she is, but I will go to her, not you. She has just had her lover’s head returned to her in a box. Now is not the time to try your amorous advances, Tee. She will come to you when she is ready or not at all. And Anjez,” she laid a gentle hand on his arm, “There are some things best said between friends.”
To finish, I’ll just leave this here 😀
26 thoughts on “Everything’s happening! WIPpet and ROW80 (And a reward!)”
I want to comment on the snippet, but I… wet t-shirt… can’t look away…
Hehe fair enough. I have the same problem when I watch it 😛
That is a nice clip. Pretty. Small nitpick. In the first two paragraphs, you start them both the same way. Kara+verb. Maybe mix it up a bit.
Ooh, good pick up, thank you! 🙂
“She has just had her lover’s head returned to her in a box. Now is not the time to try your amorous advances, Tee.” Um, yeah, that’s good advice! LOL. There’s a lot going on in this excerpt. Nice.
Thanks 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I really enjoyed the descriptions at the beginning, very vivid – they transported me to the scene 🙂
Okay, thank you. I was a bit unsure of them myself so it’s really good to get your feedback. 🙂
Oh, Tom Hiddleston, you rogue, you. He fills out a t-shirt quite nicely, yes he does.
Nice meaty snippet there. I like how Kara so commandingly strides into the chambers, and I feel for Mai. Although I don’t know a lot of the characters here, I like the “feel” of the world you’ve created. Lots going on below the surface.
Thanks 🙂 I’m glad you liked it and feel that it has some depth
You create languages! That sounds like so much fun! I wouldn’t be patient enough to do it myself…
Haha it is so much fun but it does take quite a bit of patience. 🙂
Sure, I had a great reply all set for you and then…Tom Hiddleston…wet t-shirt…wet…um…Tom… Okay, I thought dumping a Bobcat bucket worth of ice water on two of my friends was the best Challenge video but…um…now? Not so much. *le sigh*
Where was I? Oh, yeah, WIPpet…*pauses to watch video again* I love their use of slow motion…
Oops. Yeah, this “reflected in the frightened faces of those who stood in her way.” I love this because I really like seeing characters through the reactions and thoughts of those around them. It tells more about them than we can get any other way. Well done.
*scrolls back up to video*
Thanks for the feedback. 🙂 Enjoy the video 😛
I definitely feel for Kara’s “Ladies”. And for Mai… It’s interesting to see Kara being thoughtful and calm, maybe even extra careful… and unsure of herslf; I mean, I know she’s not one to just go off half-cocked, but she usually seems to be far ahead of others. It’s good to see another side of her.
Most of the time she is ahead of the game but this situation has thrown her completely and she’s at the stage in her character arc where she’s beginning to realise her know-it-all attitude may not be the best option. 🙂
Cool. As I said, it was interesting seeing her in this position.
Noooo!!! Not Patrun! 😦 Lovely excerpt though, I really liked all the emotion!
Thanks 🙂 And yes, is sad. 😦
The pacing in this scene is great. There’s lots of really good tension, and Kara’s uncertainty about are intuition really comes through.
Thanks for the feedback 🙂
I don’t think I’ve encountered these characters before, (or I’ve lost track of them along the way, while I’ve been off playing with a certain Vulcan…!) so they’re fresh to me. I like the intensity of the circumstances, and the myriad reactions – you do an excellent job of revealing aspects of character through their response to this tragedy, and, in the process, give us a clear slice of Court life.
My favorite detail is Kara unpicking the stitching on her dress so that she could move freely. I’ve got a few characters who have very little patience for their Court garb….hmmn….
I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
I definitely did!
I liked the way Kara unpicked those stitches as well, showing her unconventionality. The scene has good energy, despite the numbers of characters (always difficult), but they seemed authentically a team as they interact, each revealing much about herself or himself. The one drawback for me was that line “head in a box” for it recalls all too quickly the jokes, when the action itself was violent, an affront, and a devastating loss for Mai. An interesting read!
Hmm, good point, thank you. 🙂 And I’m glad you enjoyed Kara’s unconventionality 🙂