Hello hello and welcome to another instalment of WIPpet Wednesday. You can join in or read other awesome excerpts here. In case you missed my other post earlier this week, I’m starting a summer reading book review series on Mondays between now and February. All is explained in this post.
Today’s excerpt is from page 18 of Rebellion Rising. Please ignore the copious adverbs, it needs editing. When Tasyn first agreed to help Tekmal he made Tekmal promise that he would not push Tasyn into kingship until he was ready, that there would be no rabble rousing. Tekmal goes back on the promise when, after three months, he is frustrated that Tasyn still lives the life of a recluse. This is the aftermath.
‘What the hell was that!’ Tasyn spat.
Tekmal’s visage darkened, his usually even keeled temperament out of balance, ‘What do you mean? Exactly.’
‘I mean this!’ Tasyn snarled, throwing a practiced fist at Tekmal’s face. With a flinch-inducing snap, Tekmal’s head was thrown backwards as he fell bodily to the hard ground. Hanna’s intake of breath was audible as she rushed to her lover’s side.
‘You said there would be no rabble-rousing! We had a deal!’
Heavily, Tekmal pushed himself up by his arms, ‘We did,’ Tekmal agreed, his anger burning in his black eyes just as fiercely as Tasyn’s, ‘We had a deal. And you promised that you would act in a matter befitting your station.’ He stood, ‘And yet you spurn a lady of blood in favour of a village girl, insult a man who has lost everything to the Haeleans and shun all company except for the same village girl! Is that befitting your station?’
As Tekmal spoke, Tasyn could feel his rage cooling into a sharp blade of emotion, ‘First of all, if Aemi is a lady of anything it is of the night, no matter her blood.’ He ignored Hanna’s shocked gasp and the narrowing of Tekmal’s eyes, ‘Secondly, why should Rea’s background affect my actions?’
‘Tasyn, don’t.’ Rea interjected pleadingly.
He ignored her, ‘Surely, if I am to be king, I will be king of villagers? Or is that for some other king?’
‘It is lords and ladies, people of note, who make kings. It does not do to insult them.’
‘Lords do not make kings, people do. Common people. Or have you forgotten how my throne was lost in the first place? It was not at the hands of a few lords, it was the work of villagers.’
R.E. Navan 
Wow! I’m not sure who to side with… Tasyn has the more idyllic attitude we like to put in our current fairy tales, but Tekmal’s is more natural for people of the era in which I usually picture this story (including most villagers, ironically enough) and he may have some good points. And I remember poor Aemi from an earlier post. She didn’t seem lady of the night-like to me at the time. She seemed hurt. 😦
Lack of context and differing perspectives give different impressions of all the characters in the excerpt. And as who to side with, I’d probably just back away quietly and let Tekmal and Tasyn have it out with each other. Taking sides is a dangerous business. 🙂 Also, I must say, you are very perceptive of characters and always having an interesting comment and point out something about my own characters that I haven’t really noticed before so thank you for that. 🙂
lol. Backing off quietly. I’ll just stand over here in a corner and watch the action. 🙂
Hehe probably the wisest choice 🙂
I love this, ‘Surely, if I am to be king, I will be king of villagers? Or is that for some other king?’ That’s my kind of answer. Although, unrealistic. I know, bad idea to chose sides, but Tekmal has a very good point. Even though I’d like to side with Tasyn. On the matter of who he hangs around with, though, I’ll stick up for him there. Even kings deserve to be happy. Oh, wait, kings have responsibility and all that other boring stuff that goes with a crown. Dang. I really don’t envy Tasyn at all.
He isn’t ever in a particularly enviable position which is part of what makes him so interesting to write. 🙂
Yeah. Wouldn’t be much fun otherwise.
Looks to me if they both have thought about their own perspectives of the situation and not much about the other’s… I don’t want to get in the middle of this. Though I don’t remember Aemi being that horrible a lady. If anything, Rea seemed a bit mean-spirited in the piece I remember seeing them both in.
There is a lot of history between Aemi and Rea and what we have seen of them both so far is biased one way or another. 🙂
Ah… Makes sense. And an excellent way to create a story. Must read more!
Hehe glad you think so 🙂
I’m intrigued by all the emotion here. Looking forward to reading more!
🙂 Glad to hear it.
Ooh!
So many conflicts; so much feeling.
When my kids argue, I sometimes ask them whether they think they’re having a dialogue, or two monologues. At 12 and 9, they see quickly that the point is conflict resolution and not who is right or wrong – because, in most cases, it really is a matter of perspective.
I think that maybe Tasyn and Tekmal haven’t gotten the hang of that. Both feel they are right, and that the other is wrong, and, rather than sitting down together and hammering out what living up to his station meant to them, and what would constitute rabble-rousing, and some means of mediation, they’re going to whale on one another.
One minor thing – the first paragraphs could be more visceral. Groans, blood, spat teeth, sore fists….something a little less tidy than this seems to be.
I don’t think I’ve encountered these characters before, but I will be back for more!
Thanks for all your feedback and your very accurate description of their interaction as two monologues rather than a dialogue. 🙂 Hope to see you around again 🙂
I think they both have good points, but the reality is somewhere in the middle – Tasyn has to appease both the villagers and the nobles in order to keep his crown. I don’t remember Aemi, but that is a clever insult!