Every Wednesday, people from all around the globe reveal a snippet of their WIP which somehow corresponds to the date. All are welcome to join in the fun. 🙂
In today’s excerpt Kara and her brother Brythorn have just emerged from a meeting with their father about the upcoming announcement of their respective betrothals. 29 lines for the 29th.
‘Are you really happy with your betrothed?’ Brythorn asked his sister.
‘Yes. Lord Thoren is charming and considerate and handsome.’
‘He tortured your puppy to death.’
‘That was five years ago, Brythorn.’
‘He makes my skin crawl.’
‘Now you’re just being ridiculous, Bry! Are you happy to be marrying Lady Arbrie?’
‘Of course. She is beautiful and kind and-’
‘She’s insipid. And as dull as a nun. She is certainly no Semaia.’
‘It is my duty to marry her.’
‘But you don’t love her, do you. You love Mai.’
‘That doesn’t matter. Unlike you, I don’t shirk my duty. Besides, I doubt if you love Thoren.’
‘That’s neither here nor there. I doubt Lady Arbrie has ever had an original thought in that pretty little head of hers.’
‘Women don’t need to have original thoughts, as long as they are good managers of the household.’
Kara turned aghast, stopped in her tracks by Brythorn’s outrageous comment, ‘You are joking?’
‘No. I read it in-’
‘Let me guess? The ever insightful Perakus!’
‘His wisdom is well regarded in academic circles.’ Brythorn defended.
‘Oh, well then, how could a mere woman such as myself doubt the infinite wisdom of academia?’ Kara stormed ahead.
Brythorn ran after her, ‘Kara! Wait!’
She ignored him, locking herself in her room for the rest of the afternoon. He continued to knock on the door connecting their rooms.
‘Shall I get that, my lady?’ Lyea asked on the fifth knock.
‘Get what?’
‘The knocking at the door, my lady.’
‘I hear no knocking.’
‘If you listen carefully, my lady-’
‘I hear nothing.’
R.E. Navan 
“I hear nothing.” I love it. Great bit of dialogue to reveal quite a bit of character.
Yup, I’m with Kara on this one. I love her refusing to even acknowledge the knocking.
Poor Kara – totally frustrating. Although the puppy thing makes me wonder if she’s defending her position a bit too hard. Loved it!
There’s definitely a lot going on in her head about this guy and she likes to be right a little too much 🙂
Great, snappy dialogue between the siblings with some brilliant lines – ‘He tortured your puppy to death’. (Lord Thoren sounds charming.)
ALL of the men sound charming… at least it sounds like Bry might be willing to learn that he’s wrong.
Thoren is a real, how shall we say this…’interesting’ character. I haven’t really talked about him much in WIPpet yet but if you’ve been paying close attention, there is a connection between this excerpt and this post. 🙂 https://inkandpapyrusblog.wordpress.com/2013/05/08/668/
hahaha, ‘Women don’t need to have original thoughts…” Reminds me of Gaston in Beauty and the Beast…. “It’s not right for a woman to read. Soon she starts getting ideas …. thinking….” *Shudder… I also laughed about the tortured puppy. O my.
Haha yep. And as for the puppy, that was sad 😦
‘If you listen carefully, my lady-’ Teeheehee. The similarities of their personalities leading to the battle of the stubborn is awesome!
Haha, yes, Lyea, Kara’s maid, needs to be equally stubborn to keep her charge in line 🙂
Lord Thoren sounds like a winner!
Great banter between the siblings here. “I hear nothing” is my favorite line as well.
Love the dialogue at the end! However, I wish there was more description in between, for facial reactions and feelings going on. We get some of it in the dialogue, which is great, but I wish there was more to round out the emotions, movements, and thoughts going on through both of them. Like does Kara roll her eyes at Bry when she guess who he has been reading. Those kinds of touches will add a lot to the scene itself. Still love it though!
OK 🙂 thanks for the feedback! Always appreciated. Now, to the editing chair!
I like how you drift in and out of polite formality to stilted discomfort to pent fury to stubborn refusal… I do wonder about the was Kara calls her brother Brythorn and then Bry… It made me think about the setting. Were they trying to maintain an appearance for others there?
Good pick up. By using Brythorn’s full name it was Kara’s way of showing her annoyance and trying to end the argument. Like when a child does something they shouldn’t and the parent reprimands them using their full name. Because she’s older by about five minutes, she sometimes treats him like a child. Coz she’s a bit of a precocious *insult of choice* at the beginning. But she’ll learn… 😀
I can see that. (BTW, have I told you that I think Kara is a lot of fun?)
Haha thank you 🙂 It is always great to et positive feedback on characters because for so much of the time they live in your own head and I get to the stage where I’m like ‘I’m not sure if this character is *characteristic* or if I’m going insane’. 😀
*nods* I know exactly what you mean.
I really enjoyed the banter here, especially the ‘I hear nothing’ at the end. I second Adrian though, I wish there would have been more description in between